Professor Mosquito

Father's Day was perfect - spending time with my family at my sister's house. We hung out by her pool while the boys played with the 4-wheeler, go cart, and golf cart. It was an amazing day spent entirely outside with family. But there were additional guests as well - mosquitoes. I was having so much fun I didn't realize how many had crashed our party until I was in the car on the way home. Within the first mile of driving home, I realized I had a gazillion mosquito bites on my right foot. Okay, so in reality it was 4. But they were strategically placed on the bottom, top, by the heel and by my toes so that my entire foot felt inflamed and itchy. SOOOO itchy!

I would hit the gas pedal then quickly pick up my foot so I could scratch it. Then hit the gas pedal. Then itch. It made for a very bumpy ride and more than once I had to quickly correct before hitting the curb. I was thisclose to switching with my boyfriend so he could drive home and I could tear my foot apart, when I decided to make this into a challenge.

Yoga has taught me everything is impermanent, and that reaction is unnecessary. Things will change on their own, I just need to be mentally strong enough to hold on. To not give in. I issued a challenge to myself to not scratch my foot the entire rest of the way home.

Never have I had to come to my breath more than that car ride. The itching became so insistent it was painful.  I was getting shooting pains coming from my foot all of the way up my leg. My brain was BEGGING me to just give it a little scratch. I refused. My foot and leg kept tensing, which made it worse. I had to talk my brain into easing up on the muscles. I tried talking to my boyfriend to get my mind off of it, didn't help. I turned up the radio. Still there. I came to my breath over and over, focusing on that little part of my upper lip where I could feel a slight wisp of air. Nada. The pain became unbearable. I began to imagine each breath in was going straight to my foot and grabbing a little bit of the itch, then racing back up my body in my exhale to release that itch outside my body. Like someone trying to empty the ocean with a pail, my breath kept taking tiny pieces of that itch away.

The car ride was 40 minutes, and it felt like 3 times that. But I slowly got into a rhythm. Breathe in slow, send it to the foot, breathe out slow, picture some of the itch leaving my body. I acknowledged this pain was completely mental - if I could get control over my mind I could lessen my discomfort. I was more focused than I ever had been before. About 30 minutes in, miraculously, the itch began to subside. I was scared to actually think about it because I figured it would come back, but I found I wasn't tensing up as much. It became bearable. It went from something I couldn't handle to the distractions I feel in meditation and Savasana that are noticed but easily not reacted to.

By the time I pulled into my driveway, I was okay. They still itched, but it wasn't the intense, going-to-tear-my-foot-off type of itching anymore. In fact, I didn't even scratch them until later that night. Between unloading the car, letting the dogs out, etc, they had lost their hold over me. Only once I was sitting down relaxing did the sensations come back and I allowed myself a quick scratch.   

It is amazing how yoga teaches us to be in control of ourselves. This may seem like a simple example, but to me it was a huge triumph. I resisted reaction in a situation stronger than I ever had before. My yoga teacher always says "You are in training. For what, you may not know just yet. But you are in training." That statement came true during that car ride. I was a warrior. I was focused. I was strong. I had faith that things would change. I took on my brain and won. And it felt amazing. I urge everyone to start noticing when your brain has control over you, and to fight it. To breathe instead of react. We are all in training. Something as simple as triumphing over mosquito bites will train me to keep my cool when faced with an intense situation later. Just like working out your body - every rep adds minuscule benefits but together all of the reps and all of the workouts increase physical strength - so it is with mental training as well. These tiny moments where you can test your mental strength add up together to truly make a difference.

Bionic Woman

I LOVED this scene while watching Scott Pilgrim vs The World a few months ago:

Little did I know how accurate it would be! Ok, so no, my eyes don't glow and my hair doesn't smoke. I doubt I could throw a person through a wall without even touching them (realistically, I couldn't do it even with touching them). But whether it is the veganism or the yoga or the combination of both, something amazing is happening to my body. 

I already wrote about my sinuses now being completely normal after 34 years of hell. There are so many other things I am noticing as well. I have had issues with my weight for years. I have always been an active person, but I have stayed on the same weight plateau since high school (20 years!). For the first time, I am crushing that barrier. Although I'm sure the exercise helps, I attribute it more to the fact that I rarely ever have cravings anymore.  I used to go into the kitchen for just anything. Out of boredom, hunger, whatever. I was a muncher. Now I have such stable bloodsugar that that urge has all but disappeared. When I'm hungry I can tell when my body now switches over to its storage instead of releasing the urge into my brain. It is pretty amazing to actually feel my body working correctly. On the occasion I do have an urge to snack, I can now recognize it as such and have the willpower to hold off until the moment passes. I will never be a skinny-minny, but feeling good in my clothes starts off my days on the right foot.

Additionally, I have always been a nail-biter. Well, nail chewer is more like it. Just recently I have realized I am having a hard time keeping up with my chewing - my nails are growing so fast! I will chew one off and two days later there's a 1/4 inch of white again. I am slowly breaking that habit because it is becoming a bit too much work - lol. I actually cut my nails for the first time yesterday - huge milestone for me. 

Then, last weekend, we went out drinking to celebrate the end of teacher training. After not having drank alcohol for 12 weeks, I was a bit worried. Even before I had quit drinking, 1 or 2 drinks would always result in at minimum a headache the next day. More than 2 and I would be bowing to the porcelain God. My body didn't take well to poison. I left the next day a bit open to nurse my hangover. I lived it up that night - having 5 or 6 mixed drinks and 2 shots. We stayed out until probably 2 or 3am (my usual bedtime: 10pm). I woke up around 7am, really scared to move. I was feeling ok just laying there, but I really really had to use the bathroom. I was scared as soon as I got up the full force of the hangover would come crashing down. I slipped out of bed....nothing. Walked down the stairs....still nothing. In fact, I felt great! I ended up putting the dogs in the car and heading to the park - where we walked 4 miles worth of mountain bike trails before 10am! I am not sure what happened, but somehow my body was able to process the alcohol and efficiently remove it, resulting in no hangover whatsoever! I truly felt like a SuperHero when I came back home and my boyfriend was still in bed moaning and groaning about how hung over he was :)

After my walk, I decided to get a jump on some chores I wanted done. I began by clearing a section of lawn for a patio. It was a fairly large section - digging up the grass, hauling the grass patches to the other side of the yard, smoothing out the ground. It took me about 4 hours of hard and heavy labor - all while my boyfriend slept off his hangover inside. I had already planned on not going to yoga the next day since I knew I would be so sore I wouldn't be able to move. However, the next morning, I jumped out of bed rearing to go. Not a sore muscle to be found. Huh?! I was doing heavy lifting for such a long time period, and I wasn't sore???!  My daily practice must have prepared my body for anything that could be thrown at it. 

These are just a few of the many side effects courtesy of my new Vegan diet and daily yoga lifestyle. I cannot believe how transformed I feel. I feel Strong. I feel Healthy. I feel Amazing. I had no clue how much my old bad habits were holding my body back. It feels like my body has now "clicked" and is working the way it was intended to. What bad habits are keeping your body from reaching its peak potential?

Commencement

We all know Commencement, the noun, as another word for Graduation, or ending a chapter in our lives. We also know the verb form, "to commence" refers to beginning something. I have never felt the full impact of this union of opposites until last Wednesday, our last day of Yoga Teacher Training. On one side YTT is ending, yet on the other I am beginning a new life, where I get accepted into this yoga teacher community.

During our last class, we had to go around the circle and speak about what we have gotten out of the training program. There was so much, I had no idea what I was going to say. So I thought about it for a while. I got motivation, inspiration, knowledge, a regular practice, meditation, - the list could go on for days. I tried to boil everything down into 1 thought. What was the underlying least common denominator? Connectedness.

I am someone who has always lived by the motto "if you want something done right, you need to do it yourself." I know that sounds horrible, but it had been proven true time and time again. I take charge and get things done. I rarely lean on anyone. I am an island.

Yet, I found in YTT I did a lot more leaning than I had ever imagined. The training required many personal lifestyle changes: no drinking, daily practice, daily meditation, daily yoga meal, daily gratitude journal, weekly class observations, etc. I would love to say I completely made over my life that first week to accommodate them all like it was no big deal. But making that many changes all at once, in addition to changing my eating habits to vegan, got overwhelming. And not just at first. I would be a stellar student some weeks and slack off on others. I found on the weeks when I missed a few yoga practices it was so much easier to miss even more. It also made it so much easier to slow down on all of the other requirements - skipping meditation here and yoga meals there. But there was one constant throughout it all: when I would go to YTT class each week, I was motivated to start again. Didn't matter how far I had dropped off.

YTT class became a place I could re-energize my commitment to living this lifestyle. If I came in weak, I could lean on the energy in the room to refuel. I could feel how connected I was to everyone else. And how generous they were to share their prana with me. On the weeks I came in stronger and ready to take on the world, I made a conscious effort try to share my own energy. I learned I didn't have to be on my own. I didn't have to do it by myself. I could count on that class to get me back on the right path. 

I am a bit uncertain about what happens now. Can I continue down this path without my fellow amazing students to hold me up when I need it? I am starting a yoga book club to hopefully invoke a similar sense of accountability and to bring people together who all love this lifestyle as well. But will it be enough? A year from now will I still have my daily practice? My meditation? I have no idea. I can only take it one day at a time, as I commence down this new path. 

 

First Class

This blog was started to chronicle my journey becoming a yoga teacher. Along the way I have gone on tangents, but today I want to bring it right back to the heart of the matter. Last night I was able to teach for the first time. Well, officially the second time, but it was my first real class.

The previous time I taught was at a Boys & Girls Club. There were only 5 girls between the ages of 7-12. They spent the entire time giggling, talking, putting in half effort, resting, cartwheeling, etc. So I don't really consider that teaching, it was more like babysitting.

My friend and fellow teacher training student, Michelle, set up this class with a local gymnastics club. There would be 2 classes - one with the gymnastics students and one with the coaches. We would take turns - each teaching one and assisting in the other. I really wanted the coaches class, because of my hellish experience with kids previously.

Michelle and I met and put together a flow and a playlist. We tried to incorporate everything we had learned up until this point - starting, building, intensifying, and using the fire inside. She mentioned me teaching first, which meant the student class. Crap. But I really wanted this experience and to get teaching.

I spent the next few days going over the class we had designed. I wanted to know it cold - no mistakes. As I drove to the class last night I ran through it outloud in my car. Thank goodness for handsfree phones nowadays so anyone passing me on the expressway probably assumed I was on the phone instead of talking to myself :)

Walking in I was pretty nervous. We were shown the room and got some mats ready. We figured out the stereo so our music was queued. And in walked the class. The girls seemed to range from 6 or 7 on up to early teens. Shoot. I had flashbacks of the unruly kids and the Boys & Girls Club. Suck it up, Jenn.

I got them in Child's Pose and a miraculous thing happened - they did it. No giggling. No looking around. No popping out of it after a moment. These girls had focus. When I started talking about deep breathing I saw their little backs rising and falling. They were listening! I spoke about stillness and saw their fidgeting stop. As we moved onto our first Sun Salutations, I saw real effort. It was amazing to watch these girls, so young, yet so disciplined.

We flowed through our Sun A's and Sun B's. Onto some balancing and deep lunging. Even during a Buddha Squat that would have broke most adults, they pushed through. These girls took Child's when needed - a brave move for anyone, admitting you need a break. Then they popped right back into the class. We had some fun with headstands, attempted an Inverted Lotus while in shoulderstand, and laid still in Savansa.

All in all, they were amazing. There is a saying that we are all eachother's students. Last night, I truly understood. Although I was the "teacher", I learned so much from that first class. They taught me how strong they could be. They taught me how humble they could be. They taught me how determined they could be. They made me recognize and retract my own judgements I had made about their age. What an incredible learning experience.

Can't wait for the next class!!!!